Saturday, December 29, 2007
Mid-morning snack: many pieces of holiday chocolate
Acid reflux begins.
Lunch: Healthy vegetable soup
2 hours later, hunger returns. Contemplate what to eat to relieve hunger yet not aggravate the acid reflux.
Obvious solution: consume half a box (movie theater-sized) of Dots candy.
Half hour later: Search for Tums
I've obviously got this healthy pregnancy eating thing nailed.
Monday, December 24, 2007
Sunday, December 16, 2007
That's right, it's my Christmas tree *falling over* mere hours after being fully decorated.
Luckily, we only lost one non-generic ornament, and the glass table the tree fell on escaped unharmed. The tree is now safely tethered to the wall. It's a little crooked, but we're not messing with it again.
It did not help that there was an ice storm last night. When you're lying awake in bed after an incident like that, the sound of ice pellets hitting the windows is eerily reminiscent of pine needles and glass shards falling upon wood floors and glass tables...
Monday, December 10, 2007
Friday, December 07, 2007
In other news, the baby had its first case of hiccups yesterday, which was strange in that I'd been thinking about in utero hiccups and wondering if the baby would ever get them and if so, how I would know. It started out feeling like kicks, but when they repeated continuously at regular intervals for 10-15 minutes in the same spot, I figured it either had to be hiccups or else the baby had snuck one of these into the womb:
Monday, December 03, 2007
Um, thanks. I'm sure your wife appreciated hearing that. I could really tell by the look on her face.
And thank you for not expanding your comments to include any thoughts on my tits.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Monday, November 12, 2007
However, should our little peanut decide to arrive before schedule, all we need is a crib mattress and we will be ready to accomodate. Behold, the fruits of the last 2 weekends' labor:
Friday, November 02, 2007
Computer phone voice: I'm sorry, I did not understand. For flight times and gate information, please say "Flight Information." For reservations, please say "Reservations"...
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
1. Who eats more? We both tend to be a little piggish.
2. Who said “I love you” first? I did, but he coerced me...
3. Who is the morning person? Definitely me, even though I never realized it until I started living with J.
4. Who sings better? J. He comes from a very talented family.
5. Who’s older? J is almost 8 months older than me.
6. Who’s smarter? I have a lot more formal education, he's got the street smarts.
7. Whose temper is worse? J's the one with the hot streak. I tend to keep my cool.
8. Who does the laundry? We share this one, though I'm the only one who actually folds things and puts them away.
9. Who does the dishes? When I cook, J cleans up, but I'd say I do the majority of the dish-related tasks.
10. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? He does.
11. Whose feet are bigger? His are, but not by a lot. His stink more though.
12. Whose hair is longer? Mine.
13. Who’s better with the computer? Me.
14. Do you have pets? We have a dog, 2 cats, and 3 guinea pigs.
15. Who pays the bills? I pay all the household bills, he pays his own car payment and credit cards (by this I mean I physically write the checks and put them in the mail, not that I actually pay for everything myself!)
16. Who cooks dinner? For the most part me. We eat/order out once or twice a week.
17. Who drives when you are together? He drives while I complain about his driving.
18. Who pays when you go out to dinner? Whoever gets to their wallet first.
19. Who’s the most stubborn? Ha! Definitely not me, except when I know I'm right. Which is often.
20. Who is the first one to admit when they’re wrong? Neither of us is especially fond of doing so, but we get around to it eventually.
21. Whose family do you see more? His-they all live an hour away, and mine live 1000 miles away.
22. Who named your pet? The dog was his and the cats were mine when we met...but we shared in the naming of the guinea pigs.
23. Who kissed who first? We kissed each other. Then I fell asleep on him.
24. Who asked who out? We met online, so I'm not sure this applies.
25. What did you do on your first date? On our first "real" date we went to dinner, and then back to my place, where we donned funny wigs and danced to the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack.
26. Who’s more sensitive? Normally him, though at the moment I'm catching up.
27. Who’s taller? He is.
28. Who has more friends? Not sure. He definitely has more friends locally. Mine are scattered all over the country.
29. Who has more siblings? He has 2, I have 1.
30. Who wears the pants in the relationship? I think we share the pants pretty well.
OK, your turn. I'm tagging Chrysanthemum, Lever, and Fishlamp.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Today I had a crazy day at work, and had to leave an hour early to make it to my hair appointment. I love my stylist so I keep going to her even though she's now 45 minutes away, and I have never once had to cancel an appointment. Anyway, like I said it was a crazy work day that ended with several back-to-back phone conferences, the last of which I needed to skip out early on to make it out the door on time. So I hung up the phone, threw on a little makeup (nothing worse than not having any makeup on under those salon lights...just kind of diminishes the nice feeling of having your hair done up), shoved the dog outside for a last bathroom break, grabbed my cell phone and headed out the door.
Just as I pulled our front door closed, it hit me. No...no...please NO! I scrambled through my purse and sure enough, NO KEYS. No house keys, no car keys. I quickly texted J (who was supposed to do something after work that would keep him away for several hours) asking him to please come home asap. Then I texted him 2 or 3 more times for good measure. When about 15 minutes passed with no reply, I lost it. The waterworks commenced, complete with audible sobbing noises. I let myself think of every possible reason J wasn't responding to my messages...his phone was dead, or equally likely, he was holed up in a hotel with a coworker. Everything but the obvious--that he was tied up at work and unable to get to his phone.
I am not normally one to break down so easily, but there you have it, proof of pregnancy-induced lunacy.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
I mean, excuse me, but it is just slightly mind-boggling to have an entire human being growing inside your body, especially when it gets to the point where you can feel it moving around in there, and then, even stranger when you can see your belly moving on the outside like in Alien. So I really can't help but be fixated on this strange little miracle of nature. I'll just add that it's a *really* strange sensation to be kicked in the vagina (well, the cervix, if you want to get technical) from the inside. That's all I'm sayin'...
We had another ultrasound this week, and everything is looking good. J and I laughed when the tech drew a circle on the screen saying "now I'm just measuring the circumference of the baby's head." J and I both have a significant amount of pollock blood in us, and we have a really bizarre inside joke that could never be fully explained to anyone else but it involves calling J "Giant Pollock Head". I mentioned we're both Polish, right, so we're allowed to "take back" the word pollock and use it to our hearts' content--no offense allowed. So anyway, we are of course wondering if we are going to have a Giant Pollock Baby with a Giant Pollock Head Jr. It probably doesn't help that we are also both German and I am Italian...nice, big, strong, stock if you see what I'm getting at. Good thing I've been endowed with these big birthin' hips.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Though every day might not be a magical carriage ride
And my waistline has changed quite drastically
I still love to hold your hand
Share life's sweet moments together
Steal a kiss when no one (or everyone) is looking
And I'm so glad I get to walk through this life with you.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Monday dinner - Leftover stuffed cabbage
Tuesday dinner - Vegetarian sloppy joes
Tuesday bedtime - Desperately wishing we had a set of these to save ourselves from ourselves:
Wednesday lunch - Briefly consider having leftover stuffed cabbage or vegetarian sloppy joe, remember that it's yoga night, and have a baked potato instead.
Monday, October 01, 2007
Common courtesy is really slipping these days. Last weekend we attended the wedding of some people I would barely register as acquaintances. J went to high school with the groom, but the few times we have socialized with the groom +/- bride have been through occasions arranged by a mutual friend (one of J's best friends is pretty close to the groom). To top it off, no one liked the bride. When your own bridesmaids are talking about what an evil person you are at your own wedding, well, enough said. Anyway, J and I had a slight argument over how much to give for the wedding gift (east coast tradition is to generally give cash). I argued for a lesser amount (one that would certainly cover the costs of our attendance, plus a decent amount), considering that we barely know the couple. J argued for a higher amount, and I eventually conceded on the grounds that perhaps I could stand to be a tad more generous. We gave them a Home Depot gift card, since they recently bought a home together.
We were not expecting a lavish reception, and our expectations were not in the least surpassed. In J's words "I've been to receptions that used paper cups and plates, but I've never been to one that didn't at least have champagne for the toast". Also, why on earth would you set out corkscrews at the tables and then never bring any bottles to the tables? That's just a cruel tease. (Of course I, in my present condition, was the designated driver so no matter to me).
To get to my point (yes, finally, I know!)...we received a thank-you note from the couple within 2 days of the wedding. It was a photo card with a pre-printed message inside, and THEY DID NOT EVEN SIGN IT. So this means that they probably hadn't even opened the gifts before they put the cards in the mail. To be fair, our wedding thank you notes were similar...they did have a pre-printed message, but I wrote something personal in each and every one of those cards, because we really appreciated everyone's presence and generosity and I wanted everyone to know it. Is it too much to ask to just sign your own names on a card when people--especially people you BARELY KNOW--have taken the time to go to your wedding and give you a pretty generous gift? My mom taught me to write thank you notes and you can bet your ass that my kids will be taught to write them too. Sheesh.
Last night I dreamed that we went for an ultrasound, and the doctors told us that, according to their findings, the baby had a 20% chance of having either Down syndrome or psoriasis. It's so interesting how things get mish-moshed around in your dreams.
Friday, September 21, 2007
I bet they'd like his music.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
And just in case you were wondering, we kept our resolve and did not ask to find out the gender...
Thursday, September 06, 2007
A lot of moms seem to possess some kind of intuitive sense as to what gender baby they are carrying. Unfortunately, I really haven't had any overwhelming feelings one way or another.
Right after I found out I was pregnant, I thought "boy". But then I kind of chalked that up to my tendency to envision things in a way that--I don't want to say I hope they won't turn out--but let's just say they just make the cutest baby clothes for girls and also I am slightly terrified of dealing with miniature male, ahem, parts, and so yeah, I'll just say it, I just was kind of hoping that my first would be a girl. Familiar territory, as my baby sister was born when I was 12 and I never had any brothers. So basically I sort of squelched that first thought that I was carrying a boy, and all it took was a dream involving a big bunch of pink balloons to convince myself that my mother's intuition was saying "yes, it's a girl."
The Chinese Gender Predictor says it will be a girl. I'm also told that having a sweet tooth during pregnancy says girl, but I always have a sweet tooth so what does that really mean? Then there's the old wives tale about the heartbeat--faster rates for girls, slower for boys. (You can imagine what I, a trained scientist, *actually* think about all these prediction methods). Incidentally, according to all these methods I'm having a girl.
Well, really I just have no idea what to think. So, I've decided to go with a more accurate predictor: J's Uncle Butch. Uncle Butch told me that he is 95% accurate in predicting baby genders. I mean, do I really need more evidence than his word on this? So I let him lay hands on the old belly and he has proclaimed that we're having a boy.
I am now mentally preparing for having to clean poop from strange folds and crevices, for getting peed on during diaper changes, and for many years of trying to keep the kid from imitating his father's fart jokes and temper tantrums. On the upside, a boy will probably be more fun to hunt for bugs under rocks with.
Anyone want to place a bet?
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Don't worry, we didn't order *every* accessory they had. Just most of them. I had to order items from 4 different websites because apparently this set has been discontinued or something, but this is the kind of hardcore shopping I am prepared to do as a mom-to-be. I am just that dedicated.
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
1) I came out of the port-a-potty to find J talking to a cute girl who I soon realized was quite drunk (could it have been when she introduced herself to me twice in a 3-minute span? Hmmm, maybe.) I was starting to get annoyed that J wasn't trying to break off the conversation so we could go back to the show when the girl pulled out a vicodin and announced that it was just what she needed to make her buzz complete. Without thinking about it, I pointed a mom-like finger at her and said "now you be careful, you don't want to drink too much with that." That pretty much ended the conversation, to my embarrassment and relief.
2) We spent a very hot and sunny Saturday afternoon at a smaller beach-side stage watching some local bands. At one point, a girl wandered by, clutching a huge bottle of vodka and telling anyone who would listen that it was her 21st birthday. Not missing an opportunity, J shouted "it's her birthday too!" pointing at me. The girl came over to us and asked if it was my 21st too, to which I had to sadly reply "it's been a long time since my 21st birthday", while feeling my skin get wrinklier and my flab get flabbier. Before she walked away I pulled out the mom-finger again, aiming it towards her vodka bottle and said "now you be careful drinking too much in the sun, it's dangerous!"
I think maybe I embarrassed J a little too, but I don't care since he had the luxury of being under the influence.
I learned 2 very important lessons at the festival:
First, that it is very possible to enjoy a concert while sober. This may seem obvious to some people but when you don't really remember ever doing it before, it's kind of a revelation.
Second, that when you go into a port-a-potty at a festival full of hippies, and you start thinking how lucky you are because the seat is clean and it's equipped with several full rolls of toilet paper, you probably just haven't gotten around to noticing the finger-streaks of shit smeared on the wall.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Friday, August 03, 2007
No, the worst thing about my back pain was when I let out a really terrible fart and was then forced to stand in its cloud because I couldn't get away fast enough.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Monday, July 23, 2007
and sometimes like this:
But then, we realized it was more like this:
and--my god!--even this!
One thing's for sure, it all leads to this:
and, if you're lucky, to this:
So yes, you guys are way too smart for me, and I was too terrible a liar to properly deflect your guesses. It is true, I've gone and gotten knocked up. We are due in February.
Kel, lead the way to the NYC maternity shops!
Sunday, July 22, 2007
For this one, I went to simpsonizeme.com and uploaded a photo of my face. I was then able to tweak the various features and add a background:
I made this one using an avatar generator on the official Simpsons Movie website:
Friday, July 20, 2007
You know how adults in Charlie Brown cartoons sound like..."wah wah waaah wah wah waah wa waah"?
Well sometimes our clients ask us to do things and when I hear the request it sounds like "could you just look in your ass real quick and ask the top 7 magical fairies to come out and play Beethoven's 5th on my desk while wearing the latest fashions from Gwen Stefani's Harajuku Lovers clothing line? And oh, I've heard about these things called iPods and I think it might be important for us to know more about them and how they're used. I need your feedback by the end of the day."
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Monday, July 02, 2007
For those of you who don't know, I have a history of occasionally acquiring pets on impulse. Usually these are rodents. Pastor Mom and KelBel will certainly remember the days of Lloyd, the pet rat I had in college. Then there was the rabbit I had in grad school for about 2 days before he chewed all the buttons off my remote control and I returned him to the pet store with the excuse that my [non-existent] boyfriend was allergic (I don't think they bought it but they took the rabbit back anyway). I bought a guinea pig named Wilson who died of diarrhea. Then came 2 more rats, which had unfortunately been reared as snake food, not pets, so they weren't very friendly. I had to handle them with leather gloves on.
2 or 3 years ago, I decided I wanted another guinea pig. (At this point, mind you, we already had a dog and 2 cats in the house). So I brought the pig home and started doing all the research I could about guinea pigs. When I found out that they are social animals in the wild and that they are not happy being alone, well I just had to go out and adopt another one, and since the one I wanted was up for adoption with his brother, I couldn't possibly go and separate them, and then there were 3.
I promised J that if he would let me have the pigs, I would be in charge of their care. The first few months I was the ideal pig momma, letting the boys out to play on the floor encircled in a miniature fence and not letting the cages get *too* disgusting. Well, things have gotten a little out of hand. The other day I looked in the cages and thought, oh, did J put little fake palm trees in there for the pigs? Only, when I looked closer, they weren't little fake palm trees. They were mushrooms. Because I hadn't cleaned the cages in like 3 weeks and I guess that's the secret of a successful mushroom farm. Now mind you, my pigs are very healthy (miraculously) and I am not a terrible person, I just got a little behind. I would be beside myself if my negligence ever caused real harm to those animals.
So anyway, yesterday I went to give those cages the most thorough cleaning they've had in months. I thought, hey, it's nice outside, I'll bring the cages outside and let the boys have some time in the grass under their cage tops while I hose down the bases. So, I struggled with both cages down the stairs (they are big cages because, obviously, only the best will do for my pigs!), and headed outside. The 2 pigs in the bigger cage were a little freaked from the bouncing and tilting trip down the stairs. But I went ahead with my plan, which was to put the pigs in the cardboard box that normally serves as a temporary cage while I'm cleaning theirs out, only long enough to remove the wire top from their cage, place it on the grass, and put the pigs back into this great new little pen where they'd be free to eat clover and frolick. Well, the frolicking began a little sooner than I'd anticipated, because those nervous pigs spent about 2 seconds in the cardboard box before jumping right out of it and sprinting in opposite directions. Did I mention that we live in the woods with the wild animals and that we have no fence?
One pig sprinted into the small stretch of trees and bushes that separates our house from the neighbor's; the other sprinted into the ground cover growing around our red maple tree. I went after the one in the woods first, and did he ever give chase! I ran straight through, hunched over and probably yelling, only to emerge on the other side in plain view of our neighbor and the work crew that was doing work in his yard. "Sorry, my guinea pigs are running away!" He laughed, thankfully keeping his dog from running over to help me in my search. I finally managed to peg pig #1 to the ground and snatch him up. I headed back to my yard certain that pig 2 was gone for good, but luckily he had only gotten about a foot into the ground cover and then froze with fear. I was able to pounce on him pretty quickly.
I left the pigs outside in the grass while their cage bottoms dried. The one pig who actually behaved himself enjoyed eating clover and frolicking. The other 2 sat huddled in the corner in fear. I hope they learned their lesson, that living in a cage with mushrooms growing in it sure beats running around as potential hawk food.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Four jobs I've had:
-Receptionist at a tanning salon
-Bouncer at a bar in Greencastle, IN
-Graduate research assistant in a biology lab (in other words, grad student)
Four movies I can watch over and over and over:
-Monty Python's Holy Grail
-Monty Python's Life of Brian
-The Princess Bride
-This is Spinal Tap
Four places I've lived:
-Connecticut (small enough that it doesn't matter what city!)
Four places I've vacationed:
Four of my favorite dishes:
-Stuffed spinach pizza (from Chicago)
-Stuffed shells made by my mom
-General Tso's chicken
Four sites I visit daily:
-Go Fug Yourself
Four places I would rather be right now:
-in the forest, anywhere
-on an African safari
-on a secluded tropical island
I'm not going to tag anybody seeing as it's no longer Friday :)
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
So wish me sun, tapas, and sangria, and I will promise not to wet my pants in the street like the last time I visited Barcelona.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Yes, I'll admit it, I like to tweeze, and these tweezers actually have a little built-in LED light so you can locate each and every stray hair.
But I never should have stuck those things into my belly button, as it resulted in a half-hour ordeal of viewing things I never knew were in there, and then attempting to find the proper implements to remove them while still managing to keep the lighted tweezers in place to pry open and illuminate my little belly cavern. I finally gave up when I realized I was at risk for hurting myself, and besides, who's ever going to rate the area one inch into my belly button for cleanliness? Besides me, that is.
Saturday, June 09, 2007
And this afternoon? At the moment I am watching "Krush Groove", the days-in-the-lives dramatization of the early days of rap, featuring Shiela E, LL Kool J, and Run DMC and produced by Russell Simmons. This movie has some of the best outfits ever (and just now as the credits roll I see that the Beastie Boys were in there somewhere?? My god, I will have to watch this again sometime). And up next? "Breakin' 2, Electric Boogaloo." It's gonna take a lot to get me out of the house.
At least no one can ever accuse me of not enjoying a little variety.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
I want to mention here that I am neutral to the system, as long as I have a choice. Arranged marriage doesn't feel alien even to many of us who haven't played by its rules. If I hadn't found my husband when I did, I may have agreed to go through the process, as long as I had a say in it.
It's similar to choosing the clothes I wear. I love wearing saris and other Indian dresses. I don't think wearing jeans is liberating simply because that's what my sisters in the West wear. But the sari will start feeling oppressive if I don't have the freedom to wear jeans.
And wow. I just really liked that last part.
Go here to read the whole thing.
And here to get to the author's entire blog page.
Saturday, June 02, 2007
I can't wait to see this movie. I had to post this clip after my experience yesterday. Seeing as we just moved to the area, I hadn't yet found a primary care doctor. So when the fourth day of high fever rolled around, I ended up at the only local walk-in clinic available, which happens to technically be an emergency department. They submitted to our insurance, but I am just waiting to find out how much we will owe when they deny the claim. All I wanted to do was see a doctor because I was sick. I shouldn't have had to spend an hour on the internet trying to figure out which provider was in-network or how to find out before the visit whether or not the insurance company was going to pay.
Anyway, Michael Moore's 'Sicko' comes out June 29th and has earned a lot of praise already, from both sides of the aisle. I hope you'll go see it.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Yesterday for lunch I ate potato salad out of a plastic baggie. This morning I had leftover cake for breakfast, a cupcake for lunch, and chips and dip as an afternoon snack. Apparently I cannot be bothered with nutrition at a time like this. I haven't had much of an appetite anyway, so I figured I was justified in eating whatever I wanted, as it's better than not eating at all, right?
This afternoon I had a violent case of the chills--even my fingertips went numb, which I thought was odd, considering I had a temperature of 102. This episode was immediately followed by a sweat that soaked through my nightgown. I'm pretty sure I don't have malaria but with the number of mosquitoes we've had around here lately, I wouldn't be surprised.
Update: I wrote the above yesterday and I still feel like shit. Still having massive chills (we're talking about episodes an hour long) followed by massive sweating. I don't particularly mind not having to work but I don't enjoy the feeling of wanting to crawl out of my skin. Plus I have slight hypochondriacal tendencies so I've already googled West Nile Virus to see if I have it. J suggested Lyme disease, so I'll have to look that up next. Send me some healthy vibes, please!
Friday, May 25, 2007
Her story made me think of something that happened to me when I first started grad school. I had just moved into my first "place of my own"...in an apartment complex off-campus. Because parking on campus was ridiculously expensive, I was relieved to find out that there was a bus line that stopped right in front of my apartment complex and went straight to the building where I worked. One day that first fall of school, I was on my way back to my apartment when a man on the bus struck up a conversation with me. Despite the fact that I was not the least bit interested in continuing any kind of relationship with this guy, casual or otherwise, he managed to wrangle my phone number from me. (Was he just that persuasive or was I just that much of an idiot? Probably a bit of both). As a further testament to my stupidity, when I went to exit the bus and he asked "do you live in those apartments?" I believe I told him that yes, I did. (I am cringing thinking about how DUMB I was!) He responded by telling me that he lived across the street, and pointed at a complex of buildings that I had been wondering about. They were clearly not apartments, but I hadn't seen a clear sign so I wasn't sure what they were.
Well, I found out what those buildings were that night...when the guy from the bus called me and told me that he had been in prison (for nothing that was really his fault, of course), and that he was currently living in a halfway house, where he was permitted to have a job but had to be back by curfew. Great, not only was I unknowingly living across the street from a halfway house full of ex-cons, but now one of the residents was sweet on me AND knew my phone number and where I lived. I don't know how I did it, but I did manage to blow the guy off successfully. I probably just stopped answering the phone (or maybe that was when I decided that caller ID would be a really great thing to have?). I do know that I didn't ride the bus for a LONG time after that.
Of course a year or two later I was semi-stalked by the drunk garbageman who moved into the apartment above mine, but that's a story for another time.
Friday, May 18, 2007
1) Two married couples in their 40's--possibly swapping wives for the night, in the audience at a blues show. Both women had blonde 80's poodle hair and kept disappearing into the bathroom for long periods of time. At first we thought, coke? But then after one trip they returned with a third poodly blonde and we thought--recruiting for some kind of little orgy? As you might guess, we spent the entire show watching these people rather than the musicians on stage. Blondie #1 (fake tits almost spilling out) proceeded to get more and more intoxicated as she and Blondie #2 (tall & horsey-faced) groped each other to the great delight of the 2 men. Blondie #1's man did a lot of ass groping, even sticking his hand right into her pants a number of times. The Poodle Girls followed us into the bathroom at one point, where I was sure I would find out more about what their group was up to. Unfortunately, the only action I got to witness in the bathroom was Horsey-Face holding Fake Tits up and leading her into the stall to puke. Post-puke, the action in the audience got even better, as Fake Tits demonstrated her love of licking Horsey-Face's armpit (NOT accidentally, I can assure you), and Fake Tits' man continually poured water into her mouth, grabbing her chin for stability. Whatever their plans were for later, I'm pretty sure nobody was sober enough to make them happen.
2) Things are in full swing on Bourbon Street as we stroll past tranny hookers and bachelorette party groups. Just as we pass some street blockades, some drunk guy lets go of his stomach contents about 2 feet from the cops on duty. They ignore him completely, and he just keeps on drinking.
3) At Jazz Fest, we spot a guy wearing a shirt we'd chuckled at the day before in a gift shop: it had a large picture of a rooster and said "Ask me about my cock." He was spending his day at the Fest roaming with a sharpie marker, asking women to sign the shirt. By the time we saw him a second time, he was passing through the area where we were sitting waiting to hear John Mayer play, seeking out new autographs, though the shirt was getting full of comments. I started reading some of them--some women had played along, while others were obviously more half-hearted in their efforts. I was thinking about what I might write if asked, when a girl seated nearby unknowingly took up my mission. She signed the back of his shirt with "I checked--it's tiny!"
4) This one can't be communicated in a picture anyway...our last night in town, after a day spent drinking at Jazz Fest in the 90-degree heat, we had a huge dinner at Paul Prudhomme's restaurant, K-Paul's Louisiana Kitchen. We scored a great table on the balcony, and enjoyed wonderful food while a little brass group played traditional N'Awlins music on the street below. After dinner, we were all too full and too tired to go do any more drinking, so we retired to our rooms. J and I were sharing a room with my aunt, and [because other activities were off-limits in this situation] we decided to rent a movie. It was after 2 am when the movie ended and we finally turned out the lights. Perhaps as one last compliment to the chef before going to sleep, J let out a huge, long, loud fart. Just as the fart came to its conclusion, we heard a perfectly-timed "woo hoo!" from a reveler on the streets below. I guess there's always something to celebrate on Bourbon Street.
Friday, May 11, 2007
-the cute dress from the plus-size store that I just wore to a work meeting on Tuesday (provides ample coverage but I'm a little bored of it at the moment and because I wear it to work things, does not seem very sexy to me right now)
-a very hot number that shows off the curves (one of those black lace over tan fabric types...sizzling!), but that is dangerous in terms of displaying a belly pooch once I consume any type of food or drink
-an even hotter chiffon tiger print dress that is flowy enough to eliminate any stomach worries, has total cleavage exposure (which, if you were wondering, is a plus in my book), but is just snug enough around the top to create a bit of back fat overflow behind the arms
--a burlap sack
What's a girl to do?
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Friday, April 20, 2007
Monday, April 16, 2007
Saturday night we went to our friend Crysanthemum's birthday party, and of course I consumed a good amount of wine. After sleeping through the hour-long drive home, I pretty much crawled right into bed when we got back into the house.
I must've managed to get into an interesting state of sleep by the time J came up to bed, because as he was fiddling with his new iPod alarm clock I asked him, apparently very clearly, "What kind of expertise in abstract patterns do you need right now"?
Thank god he had the sense to write my question down. This is the first time any sleep-talking on my part has been documented, and I was as puzzled by the content of my ramblings as J was. The funniest part to me was that the next day he was telling me about this with the expectation that I might be able to explain what the hell I'd been talking about.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
"Here we are, trapped in the amber of the moment. There is no why."
"I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different."
"I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all the kinds of things you can't see from the center."
"If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind."
"The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest."
Kurt Vonnegut is one of my favorite authors of all time, and he passed away yesterday. I think it's time for me to go back and re-read his books. If you've never read any Vonnegut, you don't know what you're missing. Click here and enjoy.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
There are only a couple of bugs that I actively dislike. Silverfish, because they are just gross, and earwigs because they are both gross and scary. To me, the worst horror movie ever would involve an invasion of giant earwigs. In our old house last year, we had a big earwig problem and I was thoroughly creeped out.
Now, because I am a geeky scientist and also a bug lover, I happen to be really
fascinated by social insects, and ants are some of my favorites. A lone ant can do some pretty cool stuff, but as a group, an ant colony is capable of amazing things. Leaf cutter ants are probably my personal favorite--they forage for leaves, which they bring back to their nests not to eat, but to use as a medium for growing fungus, which they do eat. This means that leaf-cutter ants have developed agriculture--they actively grow their own food. Pretty neat.
Now, appreciating ants in the wild is one thing, but nobody likes it when they invade your home. Last year in the old house, on top of the earwigs, we also dealt with a minor ant problem after my brother-in-law and his friends watched the house and left chex mix crumbs all over the living room. They were those small black ants, and a few of those little poison baits took care of them.
Currently, in our new house, we are facing a new vermin problem: carpenter ants: They are a problem for me for a different reason than they would probably be bothersome to other people...I really don't like killing them but I don't like having them crawl around in my dishwasher or in my cupboards. In case you didn't realize, these ants are pretty big. So to me, squishing one of them is almost like squishing a toad. They really are more like little animals to me than they are bugs. Maybe it's the way they sit and groom themselves like cats, or they cute way they carry big food crumbs or their dead friends around, but I really feel bad when I have to hear their little bodies go "pop" beneath my thumb and a paper towel.
I've put the poison baits out, but they haven't seemed to have had much of an effect. So I keep on squishing and cringing to myself. I did discover that squirting them with Simple Green or my Lysol kitchen cleaner also kills them, but they do flail around a little before they die. Today I got so frustrated when one crawled around while I was heating up my soup that I took the pot off the stove and shook the ant onto the burner. It seemed to do the trick pretty quickly, but I felt kind of sadistic about it.
The good news is that I just read something that suggested they are more of a nuisance than anything (an exterminator's ad made it sound like they would eat your house) so we certainly won't have to resort to fogging the house or doing anything so nasty. I *have* always wanted an ant farm, after all...
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
At first I wasn't sure what he was doing, I thought maybe something was wrong with him. But the second time I caught him, I decided to check more closely and, sure enough, his arousal was physically evident.
I googled the problem, and they say this can be an obsessive-compulsive kind of thing and that sometimes medication helps. But I figure, as long as it's not hurting anybody (and not leaving stains on the crocheted blanket we received as a wedding gift--he really seems to like that blanket A LOT), then what's the harm?
Could you deny this sweet face a few moments of carnal pleasure?
Thursday, March 29, 2007
But sometimes you just have to make sure he really appreciates that sandwich you got up early to make...and that everyone at his office knows what's up too.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
With so many trees outside our windows, you might guess that we get lots of birds around here. We get bluejays, woodpeckers, tufted titmice, and chickadees. But so far, I'm most excited about our resident pair of cardinals. I see at least the male pretty much every day, and I'm convinced that they're nesting beneath my forsythia bush. Here's a shot of the male. Isn't he handsome?? (His lady friend is pretty cute too!)
Speaking of birds, when I first saw these tracks, I thought we had landed in Jurassic park (the round ones are dog prints):
But, it was only a rafter (yes, that's the actual term!) of wild turkeys:
Betcha didn't know that turkeys can fly, did ya? Here they are, up in the trees at dusk (that's about all the flying they do, as far as I know...getting up into their roosts for the night). They seem to like the tall trees just behind the house. See that one in the middle near the bottom? That one's on his way up.
Of course, there are the deer:
We finally had some warm weather yesterday, so I took a walk down to the stream:
One of my favorite things about the property is that there's MOSS EVERYWHERE. Moss is one of my favorite things in the world.
Anybody know much about plants? I found a few of these popping up near the stream, and am very excited to find out what they are:
Finally, here's a birthday shout-out to Miss Loki, who turned 12 this week. Here she is in our den/kitchen (see our new kitchen table in the back? notice the lack of cat hair on the sofa? I am compelled to take pictures whenever I clean now, because things never stay that way for long).
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
-I have become WAY too accustomed to my telecommuter habit of wearing sweats and slippers to work. One full day in a suit and heels and I was literally hobbling back to my room at the end of the night.
-I love that almost all public restrooms now have those paper toilet covers. Nothing worse than sitting in someone else's splatter (of course it's always the squatters who are too afraid to let their ass cheeks touch a potentially dirty toilet seat that end up leaving the seats covered in piss drops).
-At one hotel, every time I called room service or the front desk or whatever from my room, they addressed me by name. I thought this was a really nice touch, until I let my alcoholic friend crash in the room with me after a night out and she puked in the bed. At that point I was really longing for anonymity.
-On a related note, flying with a hangover sucks.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
she: "You're probably just sad because I'm not there to make your lunch and your coffee and wash out your thermos for you in the morning and so you have to rush around like crazy before work and it throws off your whole day."
he: "Well, no, when you're not here I do all that before I go to bed."
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
This past holiday season, we sent out an insane amount of cards...working of course off of one of my ridiculous crossed-out-scrawled-on address list printouts. After the holidays were said and done, I updated the list with new addresses received on cards, and made a note of who sent cards to us. Since I did all the cards myself, I resolved squarely to do far less next year. I only got about halfway through entering my mess of a list into my laptop when it was time to pack up the house for the move...
So you can see where this is going, right? I finally got around to designing some lovely change of address postcards...they're nice and glossy and have a picture of the house, and they came in the mail a few days ago. So last night I fought my way through the usual straightjacket of procrastination and went to start addressing the cards.
Only...I can't find my hideous scrawled-upon-beat-up address list! I remember purposely putting it someplace where I knew it would be easy to find after the move. Apparently that's a sure-fire way to lose things, because for the life of me I have no idea where this thing is. It's even in a bright red folder, this much I know.
I can find the centerpiece from our wedding head table (the one that almost burned the reception hall down). I know exactly where I've stored the collection of Cabbage Patch Dolls I had as a kid, and if you asked me to show you the bag full of baby things that J's aunt has already bought for us (even though we have no kids and I'm not pregnant)? Right this way.
I know that list will turn up eventually. It's probably right next to something else really important, like J's autographed poster of Ronnie James Dio. Or his baggie of wisdom teeth.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
We could get comprehensive coverage for the cameras that would cover loss or damage, except that caused by:
1) Nuclear holocaust (his exact words)
2) Chewing or gnawing by vermin
Damn, there goes my plan to capture a mushroom cloud on film while a rat dangles from my zoom lens.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Now this is what I call "fine dining"!
This is a bit of the tiny chunk of our property that could reasonably be called a "yard".
The cats agree: we sure get a lot of snow up here. Good thing for these wide windowsills to watch all the action.
At least one of us has a car that can get us in and out of this place! Shortly after J left, I called a plow to come make me an escape route. We later found out from our (very nice) neighbors that the retiree who used to live here always shoveled the driveway himself. All 400 sloping feet of it. Hmmph. Some of us have jobs, you know.
See that brown blob up there on the hill? That's our house, as seen from the woods. Bet we won't be able to see it from there once some leaves start popping!
And about where I was standing in that photo--that's where I saw, from my office window, not 1 or 2, but about 12(!) deer (I'm calling it our "herd") stroll by yesterday afternoon. I love this place!
Friday, February 23, 2007
-You're heading out to your first dinner out "in town" (trying to make it there before they close at 9 PM!), when you pass by a building with a parking lot full of cars and wonder, wow? what's going on *there* on a Wednesday night? And then you realize, it's a church.
-When passing by said church, you and your spouse speculate on what these good townspeople would think of you should the postman ever reveal to them the contents of your mail. (I read it for the articles, really!)
-At your big dinner out "in town", country songs are in regular rotation in the background music.
-After a big snow (like the one we had last night) you feel absolutely trapped in your own home until you are able to locate someone who is willing to come plow your 400 ft sloping driveway, because your compact car will never make it back up the hill should you leave the house with the driveway unplowed.
-You call to order a pizza from only pizza place in town, and the phone number is 555-8181. 10 minutes later, you have no heat or hot water and need to call the local repairman. His number is 555-8282.
-The local paper (delivered free to all residents on Fridays) contains full pages listing activities for senior citizens, numerous articles on church-related activities in the various towns (e.g. "Chicken Supper at Methodist Church"), an ad for a Christian summer camp, and...get ready for it...I am NOT making this up...a Jazzercise ad.
Monday, February 19, 2007
So, I'm hoping it's not just because I've been off work for almost a week, but living in this house feels like being on vacation. There's just something about this place that has made us feel really relaxed. I guess the view of the woods makes up for the interior maze of boxes.
The recent snow has allowed us to take note of some of the other inhabitants of our property--we've seen rabbit tracks, bird tracks, and some cat-like tracks that could be a raccoon or a fox (whatever it was, it left paw prints on J's windshield the other night!). We have a male cardinal in residence who has a lovely singing voice.
Last night my brother-in-law came up to see the house for the first time, and we took him on a mini night hike down to our stream. It was the first time we'd walked down into the woods since moving in. During the hike, we came across the first concrete evidence of deer on the property...hoof tracks leading down to and across the stream and criss-crossed over some other trails. Apparently we weren't the only ones trying to track the deer--there were some dog-like paw prints following the same path as the deer tracks. Coyote? Very possibly. Needless to say, as exhilarating as the discovery of the tracks was, I did get a little spooked when I heard rustling in the woods, even though it was probably just the wind.
I still can't believe this place is OURS!
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
I'll be out of sight for a few days as we will be in transition, but I'm sure I'll have lots to share when I get back. Thanks for laughing with me through the major stress of the last few days!
Sunday, February 11, 2007
"I have to make sure I didn't write anything embarrassing on that," I said, totally giving myself away.
He pointed at an item listed under "Bedroom". "You mean like 'Pack goodies'?"
Um, yeah. Like that.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
"I'm showing that we do service that area, but I'm not so sure about that house." This is what the 3rd Comcast customer service agent I had the pleasure of interacting with today told me. Surprisingly, this was the most reassuring thing I'd heard from them so far. I mean, it's better than "you're going to have to find another provider up there", which is what the first agent told me. The potential repercussions are beyond me. First, I would have to change not one, but TWO, email addresses. Second, I have seen what Cablevision has to offer and I fart in their general direction. No "On Demand" exercise programs? No...well I don't know what else they're missing but I am sure I would not like their service. Comcast is like Jordache in the 80's; Cablevision is like Jordache today. I am a cable snob.
I won't even begin to speculate on why our particular house would be showing up as unserviceable. I like to be serviced; my new house should be equally obliging. Maybe a Comcast tech once got spooked by a ghost on the property? Or...oooh! Maybe a chupacabra! Bigfoot! The Loch Ness monster! We do have a lot of room for hiding up there.
Comcast, if you're reading this, picture me on my knees before you. I am begging you, please! Let me keep my PowerBoost and my digital cable with exercise programs and late-night HBO specials On Demand. Just because I want to go live in the woods doesn't mean I want to stop sucking at the teat of corporate television or reduce myself to ordering...gasp!...DSL service. Call me back, Comcast. You don't have to play games with me--I won't think you're desperate if you don't wait a few days. I know you have others, but I think you feel the same way about me as I do about you. We need each other. I don't think I can live without you. Just stay with me, Comcast. I'll even let you do, you know, that *thing* we talked about that one time after all that wine? Please, Comcast, I know I can make you happy forever.
Monday, February 05, 2007
On the positive side, J is sorting through his many, MANY boxes of possessions, trying his best to find things he can actually bear to part with. So this weekend, we shared many laughs (in between the even more numerous moments in which one of us nearly assassinated the other) over old diaries, photos, and other mementos. A few highlights:
--I found my diary from freshman year of high school, in which I spend pages discussing my huge crush on a boy whose hair is "long in the back, but not too long, because that would be ugly". I have a feeling I'll be sharing a few of these entries with you all eventually.
--J dug out his old prom photos, in which he sports hair that is, um, pretty darn long in the back, and a white tux (also short in the front, long in the back, like the hair) with a peach cummerbund to match his date's huge peach lace-and-frill covered dress. He's so lucky to have found me instead ;)
--At one point, J barged into the bathroom, where I was washing my hands, and announced "dry your hands, I have something cool to show you but be sure your hands are dry first." So I dried my hands, and at his instruction (which I'll probably seldom follow in the future), closed my eyes and opened my hands. When I opened my eyes I saw that I was holding a handful of teeth. NOT cute, innocent baby teeth. No, these were his Big, Ugly, Adult, WISDOM TEETH. Not exactly what I was expecting. However, I will admit that this was much less traumatic then the time he showed me the rubber-banded remains of that long-in-the-back part of his former hairstyle, which he had for some UNGODLY reason kept in a box since he cut it off. I'm pretty sure I insisted that we could reminisce over his long lost mullet just fine by looking at pictures of it; and so it found its way to the dump, where it probably got covered in toxic waste and is now roaming the Northeast attaching itself to unsuspecting victims.
With regard to something else I discovered during this hellish moving process: I would just like to say that I love the fact that J and I have at least 2 giant Rubbermaid bins labeled "Costumes".
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Flew into Zurich. After clearing customs (Swiss customs was surprisingly...barely noticeable?), my next order of business was to board the next available train to Geneva. I was able to snap some photos during my 10-minute wait:
When I got to my hotel in Geneva, my room wasn't ready yet. I stepped outside to capture the snowscape. Apparently, I'd gotten there just in time, as Switzerland (like most of the US), hadn't seen much snow at all this season. It was snowing when I landed, and for a day everything looked like this:
This was the view from my room:
Also seen from my room, this apartment building seems to have a lovely garden terrace on the roof--notice the trees growing through the space in the roof?
Before I got too motion sick, I was able to take a few snaps from the train, en route from Geneva back to Zurich after my meeting:
As my flight home didn't leave until the next day, I was able to spend a couple of hours in downtown Zurich:
I wasn't overly thrilled with Zurich, but I did get a good fondue dinner there at this restaurant (apparently it's the place to go for fondue...which you'd think would be around every Swiss corner, but I can assure you it is decidedly not):
And, the view along the river after dark was just lovely:
Many thanks to J for the fabulous new point-and-shoot, which makes taking great travel photos a snap.