Thursday, March 30, 2006

Dear Lady From the Office Across the Hall Who I Often Run Into in the Bathroom,

How old are you, anyway? From the way you walk and your slight hunch, I'd guess about 80. Your facelift isn't fooling anybody. Seriously, you look like Joan Rivers, but much, much older. I know you work in the law office across the hall, but somehow I doubt you are a lawyer. What do you do over there? And WHERE is it you go every day after work? I see you most days in the bathroom around 4:30, standing in front of the mirror reapplying makeup and fixing your hair. It takes you forever. Guess what--you still look 80, even with fresh lipstick. I heard that you go to a bar most days after work and hang out. Are you trying to pick up men (EWWWW!)? I don't get the feeling that you're a drunk. Shouldn't you be home knitting things for your great-grandchildren? Seriously, lady, you weird me out. Especially the way you won't touch the door handle with your bare hands when you leave the bathroom (even though I can still smell your crotch odor after you leave the stall. Thanks for that.)

Sincerely,
Someone Who Uses the Same Bathroom as You in Your Office Building

6 comments:

Chrysanthemum said...

Wow... that's... wow.

Kat E said...

I am going to hell, that's all there is to it.

Lever said...

O... M... G... that last line killed me...

Is there a belfry ontop of your building?

Anonymous said...

I am positive she tried to pick me up last time I came to take you to lunch!

Lever said...

Has the weekend managed to clear the odour? And does she have a white stripe on her tail?

Kat E said...

Well to be fair, it's not like she stinks up the whole place. It's just a faint "old lady ass smell" (a phrase we use in my family, whatever that says about us) that lingers in the stall once in a while...